Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
one two three fourrrrnication!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
