if you like me you must not know who I am
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
