he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
