I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
