He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
