turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
