Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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