You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
