Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
