remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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