whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
