Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
