every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
