Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
