If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
