plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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