mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
