and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
