Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize