She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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