Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just took my morning after pill in the library
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
