even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
