Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
