one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
