there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
