I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
