In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize