it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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