all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
