I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
