Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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