i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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