Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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