beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You made out with two different species that night
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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