Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
