Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you made out with another girl for some wings
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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