She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
