So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
