He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize