I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
