She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
