Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
