mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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