Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
