do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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