Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
