I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
