I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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