Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i permit you to call me
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
