When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
