Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
