I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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