Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
