They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
