i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
