Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
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