You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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