some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
