it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
