just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
