I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
