good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
