he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
