Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
