I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
