My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
