i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize