She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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