I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
