So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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