Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My life is pants optional.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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