Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
