this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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